Squirrel Hit by Bike (from the squirrel’s perspective)

Today started out as a pretty normal day. Little did I know, before the morning was over, I would almost die.

I awoke to the first rays of the sun flickering through the branches and leaves and into my eyes. The leaves don’t provide the shade this time of year since the days are getting colder and the leaves start changing color and shedding from the tree branches. That’s probably a good thing though – stops me from oversleeping and missing out on all the food that’s fallen to the ground overnight. If I don’t start early, someone else might get to it before I do, and we all need a lot more now, before the air starts getting really cold, the ground turns hard and everything gets covered with snow.

I really like the tree I chose to live in, except for one thing. For some reason, the food tastes a lot better on the other side of the road. Fortunately for all of us on this side, everyone over there thinks it tastes better on this side. HA! What do they know? It just means there’s more of the good stuff for us. We just have to cross the road to get it, and that means being careful not to get hit by the cars that zip by. Sometimes they move really fast. I’ve had a couple close calls in the past, so I’m really careful about it now.

Anyway, having crossed the road successfully this morning, I discovered my good friend Gregory was already over there foraging. He and I hung out together as we filled our stomachs with the tree felled delicacies. After we ate, we goofed around, chasing each other all over the place; across the ground, up and down the trees, jumping from tree to tree. Gregory is faster than me, but I’m the more agile one. And, by far, I’m a better jumper. Sometimes I leave him stranded in the other tree because he just can’t make the jump. I remember one time when he tried to follow me on a long jump. He missed miserably, bouncing from branch to branch as he tumbled all the way down until the branches were no more and he thudded on the ground. I couldn’t stop laughing at him, and I’ll never let him live it down.

When we finished playing around, we were both pretty worn out. Gregory decided to head back to our side of the street. I told him I’d meet him there in a little bit, after I grabbed a little more to eat. All that running around had made me hungry again. After satisfying my stomach for the second time this morning, I started my journey back across the road to join my friend. As usual, I was careful to make sure the street was clear of any cars and started running across. I was almost all the way to the other side when I saw it – a bicycle. Normally, not that big of a deal, but this one was moving a lot faster than most. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered I was standing in the middle of the road. I needed to get to one side or the other – and fast!

Since I was already facing that way, I ran as fast as I could towards the side of the street I lived on, but then I panicked. What if I don’t make it past the bike? I better go the other way! The thing that was crazy was that I was already past the bike when I made that decision and – I guess my agility works faster than my brain – because the next thing I knew, I was heading back to the other side again. Luckily, I made it past the bike again. But wait! I didn’t want to be on the other side! I wanted to be on my side of the street! Without thinking about it, I made another darting U-turn – the worst decision I’ve ever made.

The front tire rolled over my midsection first. GEEZE! THAT FREAKING HURT!!! All I can say is I’m really fortunate our squirrel bodies are somewhat squishable and that the front tire on that bike was a lot lighter than the back one. How do I know it was lighter? Well, I’ll tell you – because the freaking back tire ran over my freaking tail – but not before I got whacked in the head by one of the freaking pedals! And it wasn’t one of the soft plastic ones. No! It was made of nice, hard metal.

So, wincing in pain, I ran the rest of the way into the woods, finding sanctuary just beyond the tree line, and hoping no one had seen my unfortunate and embarrassing escapade. But of course, I couldn’t be so lucky. As I took a few more steps into the woods, thinking of how much my body, tail and head ached, there was Gregory, rolling in the dirt, laughing his tail off at me. Then he says to me “ Hey, look at the bright side, at least it wasn’t a car!”

HARDY HAR HAR!

He’s never going to let me live this down.


Copyright © 2014 Mr. Flying Pig

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